Top 10 Afinia Products to Keep Hidden in Your Office

1. Ford Trimotor Model Airplane: For those times when you can no longer bear to be working and want to pretend you’re on a jet heading for Waikiki Beach. “Yeeee-oooowwwwn!” you say as you fly your handheld plane across the office, swooping through doorways.

2. Brass Yacht Bell: When the power randomly happens to go out, how else are you going to get your co-workers’ attention? A few clangs on this beauty and they’ll all come running to your office to hatch an escape plan before the power comes back on.

3. Labyrinth Basket: Okay, it’s not something to keep hidden; it’s what you hide inside of it! Buried under a few folders and papers you have stored your emergency stash of Butterfingers, that bottle of 1987 Shiraz, your anti-diarrheal medication, and blackmail photos for the day your office mate betrays you.

4. Ambrogio 30 Minute Hourglass: It’s 4:03… Fifty-seven more minutes to go?! Rather than watching the clock, you’ll be amazed to find that time really does fly by faster when you’re watching it trickle away in an hourglass! Sort of…

5. Rogar Champion Wine Opener: Let’s face it, one day the company is going to go under and when you get the news, you’ll be glad you had a way to pop the cork out of that Shiraz bottle you’ve been saving.

6. Real Flame Personal Gel Fuel Fireplace: You really don’t want to admit it, but you’re kind of a pansy in the winter months when it comes to the cold weather. Not wanting to blare a portable space heater, you do it the environmentally-friendly way with an enclosed flame coming out of a hollowed-out rock!

7. Scottsdale 6-Player Croquet Set: For those crystal-clear 72-degree June days where sitting in a dark office just won’t cut it, you and the gang can take an extra few minutes on break and break out a game of croquet on the back lawn.

8. Willow Picnic Basket Set: See #7. Someone needs to bring the refreshments!

9. Once Upon a Time Girl Brass Statue: For the isolated office worker who is just dying for some companionship, this brass lawn ornament can quickly become your best friend in times of need. “Jane, I just wish everyone here was as good at listening to my problems as you!”

10. Stateroom Mirror #2: Always a good idea to have one of these on hand in times of needed self-reassurance. “I’m good enough, I’m start enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

The Afinia Hats Off Award

Kudos to these folks at http://catalogliving.tumblr.com/ who have clearly found entertainment in our favorite advertising venue, the catalog.  I hope they find an opportunity to visit and roast us.  I'm certain they'll do even better than we do at mocking ourselves.  They've personified the imaginary inhabitants of the homes in furnishing catalogs as "Gary and Elaine", who apparently have some marital difficulties to work through.  Enjoy!

As such, we've decided to create an award and name Catalog Living its first ever recipient.  As soon as our graphics guy can come up with a logo for the award, it will be posted here!

Daydreamer Swing Hammock

Are 'staycations' popular because we've given them a vogue name? Or because nixing the family reunion and hanging out in one of these Daydreamer Swing Hammocks just sounds like a better idea?

You decide.

Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga Arcade

When I was your age...

The skinny kids were the video game nerds, and the fat kids were the football players.

The video game geeks actually knew how a video game worked.

You grew out of video games when you discovered girls. Or at least you kept the hobby closeted from that point forward.

There was no 'vintage' video game. We were first generation, baby!

The storyline was a secondary in a video game. We didn't need a storyline to distract us, the video game was the distraction!

In 1981, when Pac-Man was all the rage, my family threw a Pac-Man themed birthday party. They made the Pac-Man cake, and I think a Pac-Man poster and Pac-Man balloons. Maybe that's because we were poor (it was the 80s - we'd just gotten through the oil crisis of the 70s, inflation was through the roof, unemployment was following it, and the auto recession was in full swing). But I think it was more because the media hadn't yet learned how to artificially produce fandom-type hysteria through merchandising. Movie-themed and video-game themed merchandise started out as a response to demand; now clever marketers manufacture the demand for us - merchandise for the next hit animated feature (from costumes to napkins to action figures) is available before a title is even released.

You can take a trip back in time too, with the Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga Arcade.

Hammock Time.

The most relaxing vacation I have ever had was spent largely in a hammock. We drove to Maine, and I parked it next to the lake on my wife's family's property in one of those old woven rope hammocks, and didn't really move. When the air temperature is just right, the breeze is just strong enough to keep the bugs off and swing the hammock a little bit, and the humidity is high enough to make you sleepy but not so high as to make you sticky, you're home.

I'm thinking one of the uncovered hammocks is ideal for me - because I'm a cloud-watcher and a stargazer. But the Sakura Jacquard Cushioned Double Swing Hammock prompts visions of ice cream on the front porch on a hot July day. What's your variety?

Thomas the Tank Engine Pedal Car

Does anyone else think the face on the Thomas the Tank Engine Pedal Car is a little spooky?

Reminds me of the soulless children's faces on Polar Express. What a weird movie.

The Real Man Rules

My previous article mentioned the Real Man Rules. Here are a few:

1. Real men do not match fabrics. Clothing, furniture, draperies, it does not matter.

(You'll notice that all Afinia Hammocks fit almost anywhere, and our Outdoor Furniture is displayed in neutral colors. There is a simple color selector on each outdoor furniture page, for the purpose of your Significant Other, hereafter referred to as 'GPS Override'.) In the event of an emergency (being forced to select color on your own), simply choose the same fabric color for the whole set. And it doesn't matter which one you choose; it's outdoor furniture, its supposed to be flashy. For indoor furniture, male = leather. Everything else is her choice. Go with it, don't try to argue.

2. Everyone knows that real men do not ask directions. Now, as an extension of this rule, notice that in the detailed coolness that are our classic pedal toys, we simulate everything of importance. That is, steering and lights. No GPS. For those whose livelihood depend on it, we forgive you for putting GPS in your vehicle. Especially if your vehicle is an Airbus A-330, which we fly on regularly. We are grateful you have GPS. Once you have GPS, you may notice that the female in the seat next to you does not always agree with GPS. Hence the spousal title, "GPS override". Again, you may get lost, but go with it, don't try to argue.

3. Real men use fire. Questions? None? Okay, moving along.

4. Real men go to the doctor for two reasons: First, an error status code in critical regions of body. Second, the GPS override has directed us to the doctor.

5. Real men prefer the purchase of a tool over the purchase of repair services. This does, of course, necessitate a worthy tool-storage solution that provides an adequate place of honor for said tools after their meritorious service.

6. Knickknack shelf bad. Clocks good. Photo Montages bad. Globes good.

7. The garage has a deep emotional and perhaps even spiritual role in our lives. You get a 'mani-pedi'. We tinker. But it is not our domain. Secretly, we wish for crossover by the females in to the domain, as long as they do not mistake a fine wood chisel for a lever and ruin the blade. In like manner, men secretly like to do dishes for their GPS Override. The only reason they hold back is they don't want her to get used to it, they like the acknowledgement.

Why stop at 7? Because one of the real man rules prohibits me from fully explaining all of them at once. (Some are in fact never to be explained at all.) There are specific guidelines about using public restrooms, for example, that predate Senator Craig's indiscretions (he violated the rules, and in doing so, reinforced them for all of male-dom).

Have an odd male behavior you would like explained? Post a comment here, and we'll be happy to assess whether what you have observed is based in some interpretation of the rules.