Buying Gifts for Men

I often tell people that Afinia's mission is to make it so that any woman could throw a dart at our catalog and hit on something that would make her husband happy. I recognize that I am running some risks by generalizing about gender. But I am not alone.

There is no shortage of articles on the Internet with advice on giving gifts to men. They have the following things in common: They are badly written, they have hidden purposes, and they generalize to the point of making men look shallow and predictable. I take issue with the first two. The third is a fact of life.

The following information is not badly written, and it does not have a hidden purpose. Our purpose is that we want you to buy our stuff. See? Not hidden at all. Links follow at the end of the article.

I would like to offer you some advice, dear shopper, that is hopefully meaningful and even helpful to you in your search. If it drives you to buy somewhere else, well, so be it. Good for the Karma.

In fact, I'm feeling so generous today, I'm going to go so far as to use only examples that are products we DON'T SELL. Then I'll plug our stuff at the very end.

The message behind your gift, whether intended or not, is this:

THIS GIFT REPRESENTS WHO I THINK YOU ARE.

So, if she (my wife, my mother, my mother-in-law) or even he (my dad, my son, my colleague) gets me a cross pen, it is a comment on how she or he perceives me. She is saying more than that I am a writer; she may be saying I am a dreamer, or an intellectual.

The definition will be interpreted through the eyes of our relationship. Depending on the nature of our interactions, the same gift might say pragmatist, or it might say artist. It might say passionate, or it might say disciplined. It could communicate that I am a free spirit, or a driven visionary.

My mother-in-law has given me a gift card to Barnes & Noble many times. She thinks I am a nerd. She is, well, correct. There are very few tangible things in the world that I value more than books. But through the gift, she is saying, "I like that you are a learner. I want to enable your learning".

Oddly enough, the same gift from my wife would be nuanced; it would be, frankly interpreted as a spending limit for my habit. But when my wife gives me music from my favorite store or things to cook with, she says, "I enjoy it when you make new things - you are a good cook. And I like listening to you play the piano."

So remember, when you choose a gift, choose something that represents what you value in that person. Don't choose something that is a critique. If you admire his handiwork, a drill is okay. If you want him to fix things around the house more, it is not.

Now, go buy something from Afinia.com. I am sure he will love whatever you choose. Can I recommend one of these lovely Real Flame fireplaces? Disclaimer: This gift could say, "I like sitting by the fire with you". Or it could say, "You are a pyromaniac and you need to choose a safer, more legal way of enjoying fire, you felonious nutjob".

Merry Christmas.

Today's Insider Glimpse: Gerstner

My boss and I choose each and every product that Afinia will offer vary carefully.

Every line and manufacturer is agreed upon. We both have veto power, and we have used it liberally... to make sure that our catalog is something we can be proud of.

While we agree on every line, sometimes we don't, um, see eye to eye on every product. Here is an example:

The Gerstner Wood Briefcase

Now, Gerstner is a fine company. A long manufacturing tradition, an untouchable reputation for quality, and products that anyone would be proud to own. Personally, I am looking forward to owning this collector's chest someday.

But a wooden briefcase? I don't get it. My boss thinks its cool. So for today's list, I have the

TOP TEN WAYS TO PROMOTE THE WOOD GERSTNER BRIEFCASE

10. Make my boss try to take a Gerstner BriefCase through airport security
9. Advertise all Gerstner Products as 'dart-proof' for businessmen travelling to places where they still shoot people with tranquilizer darts. You know, the far east and the jungle and maybe even South Beach.
8. Promote it as the ideal case for people who still carve their business documents in stone.
7. Offer a free can of wood polish with every briefcase purchase.
6. Publishing a warning - not to use near open flame -
5. Offer to make a donation to the Sierra Club for every purchase made: "With your new wood briefcase, a donation has been made in your name to replace the tree we cut down for this thing..."
4. Offer self-defense classes to women who are working late at the law firm. How to use your briefcase to fend off attackers in parking ramps or something like that...
3. Offer an optional set of legs so it can be converted to a dining table. (Or just buy one of these - they're much cooler).
2. Offer engraving services. "In honor of 10 years with the company, you get a briefcase that no one would ever use, to put next to your 5-year paperweight service award (which you also never use)."
1.Create a businessman exercise routine (Briefcase Curls, Briefcase Lunges, Briefcase Press). You'll build muscle mass in no time with the Gerstner Wood Briefcase!

By the way, did you know people tried to predict the market based on how full Greenspan's Briefcase looked? Turns out he was just taking his lunch to work somedays. Imagine how stable the market would have been if he'd used one of these...