Still Stuck on Pergolas

I'm doing my pergola homework here.

There's another company that sells pergolas that really has their act together. Baldwin Pergolas. Unfortunately, what would otherwise be a high degree of web-pergola-credibility is shot by their use of a garden gnome (not in just one, but two places) on the front page above the fold.


When we first started exploring the idea of a furnishings catalog on the high end, we visited the High Point Furniture Market in North Carolina (a year ago). The first vendor we talked to, a company that made high-quality patio furniture like this, told us they didn't want to be in any catalog that had garden gnomes in it. Garden Gnomes have since then become symbolic. (As in, "What do you think of carrying this?" "It's cool, but it might make people think garden gnome.")

I have, in fact, come to the conclusion that the only tasteful way to display a garden gnome, pergola or not, is the following:

The Replogle Globe Company History, Revised

**Author's Note, Post Script: This is not my best work. In hindsight, I should probably delete it. Frankly, I'm only leaving it here in hopes that people searching for Globes will end up looking at our Globes page. If you came here to be entertained, you probably should skip this one and go to pergolas. But if you still have time on your hands, there may be a gem or two here too...

One thing I have gotten tired of is the so-called 'Corporate Profile'. I don't know why this 'About Us' spiel has to be included in every sales pitch and powerpoint. I kicked a window salesman out of my house because he wouldn't skip the pre-programmed pitch. I just wanted some windows, not a history lesson. So I had an idea:

Take these corporate histories and make 'mad libs'. It's much more interesting.

Here is the history for one of my favorite companies, Replogle Globe. This company is actually fairly historic. But what happens if you do a find and replace just one word, Globe, with another noun? The real gems are bolded:

Replogle Popsicle Sticks has been making popsicle sticks since the 1920's. Recognized as the world's largest manufacturer of popsicle sticks, Replogle Popsicle Sticks has a well-earned reputation for its constant production and innovation of world popsicle sticks.

From its humble beginning in a Chicago apartment, Replogle Popsicle Sticks today is the world's leader in popsicle stick production. From handcrafted masterpieces in the offices of presidents and dignitaries to classroom models that help students understand their world, their belief in the popsicle stick as a source of wonder hasn't changed.

To deliver popsicle sticks to an ever broader audience. That was the vision of Luther Replogle in 1930, and this continues to be Replogle's mission to this day. Replogle Popsicle Sticks believes that the appeal of a popsicle stick is deeper than its value as a learning tool or home accessory. Luther Replogle knew this from the beginning. As a school supply salesman, he took a special interest in popsicle sticks, believing he could successfully market them to a broader audience.

He was right. What began with hand-assembled popsicle sticks sold from a Chicago apartment (with maps sourced from England, no less) grew into what you might call a global empire, Behind the rallying cry, "A popsicle stick in Every Home," Replogle facilitated the popsicle stick's migration from the classroom to the living room. In 1963, Replogle co-founded Scanglobe of Denmark, going on to purchase the popsicle sticks manufacturer's remaining interest in 1988 and moving its operations to the USA in 2003.

Replogle is the world's leading popsicle stick manufacturer, based in a 260,000 square foot facility near Chicago - but some things haven't changed much since 1930. Many Replogle popsicle sticks are still painstakingly hand-made by artisans who have spent the better part of their lives with the company. This is indicative of a commitment to quality, a commitment to doing things the right way, and, most importantly, a commitment to the popsicle stick itself.

It's exactly what Luther Replogle had in mind.

REPLOGLE POPSICLE STICKS HISTORY
In 1930, as 122 million citizens of the United States brace themselves for what will become known as the Great Depression, Luther Replogle, along with his wife, Elizabeth, begin assembling popsicle sticks in their Chicago apartment. Luther's idea -"A popsicle stick in Every Home" flies in the face of the dwindling economy, not to mention logic itself.

Luther Replogle believed that the popsicle stick was too valuable, too beautiful to be forever relegated to classroom duty. Where he got this idea is anyone's guess. When Luther Replogle wasn't making sales calls for a school supply company, he spent his time in the Weber Costello plant, watching popsicle stick-makers at work, paying particular attention as they pasted hand-cut map gores to molded hemispheres.

Luther Replogle's interest in popsicle sticks paid off. And in a constantly changing, seemingly shrinking world, his vision is more relevant today than ever. In 1930, Luther Replogle thought that a popsicle stick might help people make sense of their world. There were floods in the Mississippi River Delta, Fascism on the rise in Europe, Lindbergh attempting to fly across the Atlantic. Much was going on. The world was a big stage. It still is.

Here is the text as it originally appeared:

Replogle Globes has been making globes since the 1920's. Recognized as the world's largest manufacturer of globes, Replogle Globes has a well-earned reputation for its constant production and innovation of world globes.

From its humble beginning in a Chicago apartment, Replogle Globes today is the worlds leader in globe production. From handcrafted masterpieces in the offices of presidents and dignitaries to classroom models that help students understand their world, their belief in the globe as a source of wonder hasn't changed.

To deliver globes to an ever broader audience. That was the vision of Luther Replogle in 1930, and this continues to be Replogle's mission to this day. Replogle Globes believes that the appeal of a globe is deeper than its value as a learning tool or home accessory. Luther Replogle knew this from the beginning. As a school supply salesman, he took a special interest in globes, believing he could successfully market them to a broader audience.

He was right. What began with hand-assembled globes sold from a Chicago apartment (with maps sourced from England, no less) grew into what you might call a global empire, Behind the rallying cry, "A Globe in Every Home, " Replogle facilitated the globe's migration from the classroom to the living room. In 1963, Replogle co-founded Scanglobe of Denmark, going on to purchase the globe manufacturer's remaining interest in 1988 and moving its operations to the USA in 2003.

Replogle is the world's leading globe manufacturer, based in a 260,000 square foot facility near Chicago - but some things haven't changed much since 1930. Many Replogle Globes are still painstakingly hand-made by artisans who have spent the better part of their lives with the company. This is indicative of a commitment to quality, a commitment to doing things the right way, and, most importantly, a commitment to the globe itself.

It's exactly what Luther Replogle had in mind.

REPLOGLE GLOBES HISTORY
In 1930, as 122 million citizens of the United States brace themselves for what will become known as the Great Depression, Luther Replogle, along with his wife, Elizabeth, begin assembling globes in their Chicago apartment. Luther's idea -"A Globe in Every Home" flies in the face of the dwindling economy, not to mention logic itself.

Luther Replogle believed that the globe was too valuable, too beautiful to be forever relegated to classroom duty. Where he got this idea is anyone's guess. When Luther Replogle wasn't making sales calls for a school supply company, he spent his time in the Weber Costello plant, watching globe-makers at work, paying particular attention as they pasted hand-cut map gores to molded hemispheres.

Luther Replogle's interest in globes paid off. And in a constantly changing, seemingly shrinking world, his vision is more relevant today than ever. In 1930, Luther Replogle thought that a globe might help people make sense of their world. There were floods in the Mississippi River Delta, Fascism on the rise in Europe, Lindbergh attempting to fly across the Atlantic. Much was going on. The world was a big stage. It still is.

Now that I have a pergola, what should I do with it?

Top Ten things you could do with an Afinia Pergola:


10. Have a donut-eating contest (you know, where you hang the donuts from strings)

9. Pull-ups. (If you won the donut-eating contest, you should strongly consider this).

8. Grow grapes. Then you could, like, lie outside under your pergola and pick some grapes and eat them.

7. Grow vines. It's like a roof made out of flowers. Personally, I like Morning Glory, but I don't know if it's strictly for climbing up mailbox posts or if it works as a horizontal vine too. http://www.theflowerexpert.com/content/aboutflowers/tropicalflowers/morning-glory Don't eat these though. They're psychoactive and toxic.

6. Tie up the dog to it. Or the cat. (Is that cruel? Why is it cruel to tie up a cat and not a dog? I think there's a deeper issue here, one that merits introspection and possibly the formation of a social movement.)

5. Host a party. Call it a pergola party. Then see how many people e-mail you to find out what a 'pergola party' is and whether this party is okay if they're not 'socially progressive'.

4. If you have money to throw around... Put it somewhere interesting, perhaps somewhere the zoning commission might not like. Hey, it doesn't require a license to put one of these up, but any well-placed structure is sure to get the municipal control freaks fired up. Get creative. I'm not recommending anything illegal here, but if you go the creative route, send me a picture and maybe we'll send you a small gift or rebate part of the cost of the pergola... Again, nothing illegal...

3. Hold a Japanese Tea Ceremony. This one looks sort of oriental-ish... You could reenact the scene from Karate Kid. And if you could get Tamlyn Tomita there, well, that would be cool. She was in CSI Miami this year, you know. Okay, that scene wasn't shot in a pergola, but then hey, you're no Ralph Macchio, are you. Especially after the donuts.

2. Re-enact the beach scenes from your favorite 60s movie. Okay, this one's not a pergola, but it's close...

1. Add a gel fireplace http://www.afinia.com/Real_Flame_Gel_Fuel_Fire_Pits_s/34.htm and relax on your double lounge http://www.afinia.com/Antigua_Double_Lounge_p/d101-510.htm as you watch your children/grandchildren/hey whose neighbor kid is that? play with their pedal cars in the yard http://www.afinia.com/toys_s/22.htm.

Shameless product plugs. Sorry, it had to be done...